holisticallydetecting | IC Inbox

[it's 4am and archie is fixing himself a snack. nothing out of the ordinary, unfortunately, but... yeah. that's the scene. he's standing in the low-lit kitchen and carefully chopping up some peppers for some good ass kimchi.

only... he nicks his finger. this is also not a new occurrence if you cook as much as archie does, you're gonna cut yourself a few times accidentally.

he hisses in annoyance, given the pepper juices making it sting a lot more than it usually would. thinking nothing of it, archie just pads over to the sink and sticks his hand underneath the tap. where are the plasters...?]

[A fairly loud Pop! sounds interrupts the stillness of the night, quickly followed by an Auuaaghh!! and then a thump.

Dirk Gently scrambles to his feet, brushing off his pinstripe pyjamas, and looks around the kitchen very confused and very tired, and -- His eyes hit Archie and those expressions are replaced with recognition.]

Oh Hi, Archie!

[He smiles at him (still groggily) but then frowns, his brows furrowing.]

Are you okay?

[archie yelps loudly for about two second and it's very fortunate he is no longer near that knife, god damn.]

D--Dirk?! Oh, fuck! Sorry! Uh-- this wasn't on purpose! I swear!

[Archie yelping causes Dirk to yelp in return, but he's already reaching out with his arms as if making a weird motion with them might calm Archie down.]

It's okay! It's alright! It's not your fault I get dragged everywhere -- did something happen, did you--

You're bleeding!

W--Well, still!

[he frowns, then remembers-- ah.]

Uh... I was just choppin' something and caught myself. It's not bad... ugh. I was wondering where the band-aids are. Is that why you're...?

Oh dear. [He steps over, reaching out to just put his finger tips on Archie's wrist as if to stabilise it while he got a look.]

I think the Porter might have a very strange idea of what a detective does? But I can help. Do you have an idea of where they might be? I can find them.

...Bottom drawer.

[he nods towards a cabinet.]

Good solve?

Not totally sure this counts as solving anything, since technically you solved it? But.

[He pads over to the cabinet (with bare feet), and rumages around until he finds the box, and then stands straight up with a pleased grin.] Found it! Success!

[He pulls a bandaid out, puts the box back, and then walks back over to Archie.]

We should probably try that off, first.

[he shrugs, pulling a towel off one of the racks to squeeze his hand with, drying it off. the blood flow, what little of it there was, has pretty much stopped.]

Thanks. You want a tea or anything? Seeing as I know how to make it for you now. Coffee? Food?

Oh, no. That is very kind, but to be honest, I was asleep before I got here. I think I should probably just--

[A look of realisation crossed his face. Weary, weary realisation.]

... Oh. Getting home is not going to be fun.

...Right.

[that's right, people sleep at night, right? who'da thunk.]

Uh... you can stay, if you want. I have a spare room.

[Dirk just sort of looks at Archie for a long, confused moment.]

That's---

That's extremely kind of you? That's very kind. I don't know what happened with this universe, but apparently it has a very very high ratio of kind people versus normal people. [And he sounds like he has no idea how to deal with that.]

I mean... it's technically my fault you're here, right? It only seems right.

Well, then I happily accept, thank you.

[He smiled broadly but then just sort of stood their awkwardly, clearly having no idea what he was supposed to do next.]

....

[okay, fair.]

Uh... the spare room's upstairs to the left. Unless you want some food or a drink first?

[ About fifteen minutes after Dirk posts his audition tape, he gets a video call from a panicked and flustered Owain. He starts the conversation out relatively calmly, he thinks. ]

WHEN YOU SAID "NOBODY'S EVER LOVED ME" DOES THAT ONLY APPLY TO ROMANTIC LOVE OR LITERALLY ALL LOVE?

Oh hi, Owain!!

Um

All..? Of...? It...? I think? Maybe. My parents might have loved me but I wouldn't know. I think Todd may like me, at least. Probably. And Farah likes Todd so maybe she likes me by extension.

I--

[ Owain sobs and staggers back with a hand over his heart. He uses the other to clutch the desk he's sitting in front of, and loudly screams LUCINA because he needs a hug. She doesn't come, so she must be out. That makes him sob even louder. ]

I love you! I love you, okay?! You're smart and you're funny and I don't really understand you and that makes me love you even more! I'm sorry that you think I'm scary! I'm sorry that I haven't gone out of my way to prove to you that I'm not scary, but I kind of liked the whole intimidation thing I had going on?! Nobody's ever intimidated by me! I love you and you're my friend! I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE MY FRIEND!!!

[Dirk stares at the camera, completely wide eyed, making a very surprised face.]

Um

That's

The nicest thing anyone has said to me, ever.

I knew you were nice and not actually scary, I called it.

[ Owain takes a second to process Dirk's reaction. His eyes narrow, slightly suspicious. G... good? Good reaction? Good reaction. He thinks. ]

... This is unacceptable.

[ If loud, panicked screaming is the nicest thing anyone's ever-- no. No, no. This is unacceptable. ]

We're going out. You and me. Right now. What do you like? Books? Music? Punching? We're going to spend the day together, and we're going to get to know each other, and we're going to become very close by doing all of the things you love and finding common ground between ourselves, and then I'm going to tell you I love you again, and you're going to say, "you know what? After today, I think I love you too!", and then we'll hold hands and we won't kiss but we'll definitely cuddle.

What about food? What food do you like? We'll find food.

Okay!!

[This sounds like an adventure!! He's in!! And hopefully no one will even die!!]

I am not a very big fan of punching, no, but I do like music. I wanted to be in a band, once, for a few seconds, but I've never actually played an instrument? So that would be a silly thing to do. [He just seems to happily glaze over when Owain talks about kissing and cuddling and things, mostly because it's just so far outside his realm of experience that he assumes Owain is kidding.]

Food? Um - I like lots of different kinds of food. I like pancakes and pickles and drinks with little umbrellas in them - (that counts, right?) - and mango pastries and donuts--

Hello Dirk,
I hope you are well. I'm very sorry for not reaching out sooner.
Have you been adjusting alright? Given the strange nature of your power, I don't doubt it has lots of challenges.
If you are still quite busy, simply letting me know you're alright is enough.
Until then,
Lucina

Luuuciiiiiiiinnaaa~

Hhiiiiii

It's Dirk. Thank you for your letter, it was very nice. I don't know if I am adjusting, really, because I pretty much have absolutely no idea what's going on literally any of the time? Also one of my only friends here went a bit mad and turned a lot of people into trees.

It's all a bit depressing, really.

How are you?

--rk? Hello? Or is it the message again...

Hiii!! No!! I mean- yes, this is me, and no, this isn't the answering message.

Probably.

It would be a very weird message, if it was. How are you?

Oh! Hello! [RELIEF.] Forgive me, I just...barely missed responding to your first call. I'm still not fast at responding to these things.

I, I'm...I'm fine, thank you. Unharmed. Despite...the dreadful circumstances.

[a hesitation.]

I'm...sorry. I attempted to stop him, but... Well.

In my experience, there's often not a lot one can do to stop rampaging magical people from killing or hurting a lot of other people. That's just not usually how things work. But he was stopped eventually, and you aren't dead, so really, it didn't turn out that bad.

As far as it comes to you, anyway.

I do feel very bad about Archie. He didn't seem like someone who would do that sort of thing. He doesn't even run a cult, does he?

N...no, not that I was aware of. [...] I...was told he was a criminal of sorts, back before this world. But I don't think that accounts for what madness overtook him.

At least...that's my feeling. Yet I admit to not knowing him long enough to be so certain.

IC Inbox - Mask Or Menace

touches

Re: touches

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

JABBERS ALWAYS CLAIMS INBOXES BEFORE ME IM MAD

Who's fault is that, boys

JABBERSESES

Re: JABBERSESES

no subject

no subject

1/25

Replying by leaving a voicemail later

aaaand a call 3m later

Re: aaaand a call 3m later

no subject

no subject

no subject